So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
