When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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