Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
