My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
