So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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