Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize