I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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