Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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