My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I AM VODKA MAN
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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