how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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