so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
