I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
