Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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