I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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