I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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