I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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