maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
