he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
