dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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