it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
