No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
