Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
