The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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