he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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