just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I love having hate sex.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
