Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
