Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
