..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
