My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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