why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
