But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
