Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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