I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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