He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
