i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
