Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
