So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
