My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
