She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
