Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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