i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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