you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
