You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.