I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....