there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.