when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was