I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
