if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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