I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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