I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
