Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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