My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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