Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
