So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
