My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
