Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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