I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
