there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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