i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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