I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there's paper in my vomit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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