Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
