why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
