Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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