Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
