please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you never un-have a 4some
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
