i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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