Already got asked if we're dating
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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