This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize