awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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