he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
