just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
