im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
