I love black thongs
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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