You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
