i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it's like heaven, but drunker
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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